Thursday, February 19, 2009

Throw Acid in my Eyes Please

An open letter to Pamela Anderson:

Dear Pam, (Can I call you Pam?)

Why? Why, Pamela Anderson, do you have to keep showing up at random events nude with a birthday cake or partially nude in gaudy, unflattering bedazzled fabrics? Are you testing our gag reflexes? Because mine works, thanks to this parade of old flesh at the Richie Rich's fashion show last night. I'd rather squeeze a lemon in my wide-open eyeball (and I love lemons - I would NEVER waste a lemon) than lay my eyes on another exhibition of jiggly outdated flesh like this again. You are done. New, more taut ass has replaced you in the celebrity nude exhibition category. We now have new up-and-comers like Audrina Patridge, Katy Perry and even old-ass Jennifer Aniston. Let's give them some room to do their thing. It's time to hang up the tattered thong, Pam. Put down that charcoal briquette you call 'eyeliner' and do something a little more meaningful. I don't mean teaming with PETA, either. Maybe you should take up scrapbooking or mentoring other tranny over-bronzered ho's. I mean, really. I would have enjoyed watching Bea Arthur shimmy up and down that runway last night. Because she's got flare - and the boots to match.

Wrap. It. up. 


Mickey Doyle

Photos: Getty, WENN

No comments: