Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Today's WTF: Sully's Flight

You know, I don't usually go on rants regarding the unraveling of the fabric of society - until now. I give you Laminar Research. Laminar decided to create an iPhone app simulating the 'interesting' landing of Chesley Sullenberger's plane safely onto the Hudson River. In fact it simulates, in real time, the actual flight path of 'Sully's Flight'. 

That's all fine and dandy if you want to play "Flight of the Navigator" with one of history's most heroic events, but - REALLY? Because if you don't succeed playing this app, you crash the plane and your simulated people die in a firey death. 

Here is one of the first reviews on iTunes regarding this app: 
Stop complaining about [hitting] the birds and crash that is the point of the app! Very cool.
Seriously? Does anybody find this to be a little poor in taste besides me - or am I just disgruntled because I haven't eaten? The plane actually suffers engine failure as a result of a bird strike and features the actual audio communication between air traffic control and US Airways Flight 1549. 

The clincher is that they're charging 99 cents to purchase the app. They're capitalizing on something that could have turned out horrible. What's next? An app called "The Chris Brown Beat Down?" That's an app where you can either be in control of Chris Brown's heavy pimp hand or you can fight back by controlling Rihanna. I mean, it's okay to create that app because she didn't die, right? Here's an even better one - let's create an app called "Schindler's List" where you can use your accelerometer to safely guide Jews into Schindler's Factory of Life - but don't be detected by the Gestapo or GAME OVER. This app rules because the real Jews in Schindler's factory lived, right? 

Jesus, folks. Let's use some tact when thinking of "games" we can play on our iPhone. I mean, I like a good More Cowbell app or Dizzy Bee app just as much as the next guy, but that's where my fascination stops. I don't need to guide a crashing plane to a soft landing or help save a baby seal from being clubbed on my phone to pass the time while I'm waiting for my car to be washed.

Source: TMZ

Thursday, March 19, 2009

His Brother Darryl Really Is A D*ck

Whatdoyaknow? For those of you familiar with Dane Cook's "Harmful if Swallowed" comedy album, you should be familiar with the BK Lounge skit where he -- very emphatically says: "My brother Darryl, he was the manager [of Burger King] - I thought he would hook me up; HE WAS A D*CK." 

Well guess what? Turns out he was. Dane Cook's half brother, Darryl, has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly stealing millions from King of all D-Bags™.

His older bro was charged with eight counts of larceny over $250, forgery and larceny by continuous scheme. According to prosecutors, McCauley once forged a $3 million check written from Cook's account to himself.

McCauley allegedly pulled off the scheme while Dane paid him $12,500 a month to be his personal business manager. McCauley has denied any wrongdoing. 

Well look who went from a $12,500/month salary to possibly eating fruit salad off the prison room floor?  

ps. What bank teller takes a $3 million check from a customer and goes, "Oh, $3 million. That seems legit." Really.

Photo: Here
Source: Here

Today's Item I Would Like to Smear All Over My Body

The easy button. If only it were real - I could then finish writing my current project and follow that up with a somersault  into into a vat of red velvet Sprinkles Cupcakes. Wait, what was I talking about? 


Photo: Some Christian Blog

Comic Nerds Save the Date(s)

Climb out of your underground comic bunker and break out your Wolverine pen with genuine berzerker action - you'll want to write this down. Marvel has released the updated premiere dates for the following movies: 

Iron Man 2 - May 7, 2010
Spider-Man 4 - May 6, 2011
Thor - June 17, 2011
The First Avenger: Captain America - July 22, 2011
The Avengers - May 4, 2012

To answer your first question, yes - you have a few years to hand-sew your Thor costume and weld together your Thor helmet. And yes, you have plenty of time to jump on World of Warcraft and schedule a guild meeting to discuss working your battles and raids around the above dates. 

I'm sorry. That was a broad generalization. Not everybody likes Thor. 

Happy planning!

Source: I Watch Stuff

Today's Item I Would Like to Smear All Over My Body

Hi there, little Advil Gelcap. You're little, soft and comforting. I feel the start of a migraine settling in, so I'd like to take four of you and inject you directly into my brain - and possibly smear you all over my body. 

Photo: Here

Your Daily Dose of WHY GOD WHY: Remaking IT

Just when you thought your bowels forgot about the scariest cinematic clown in existence, prepare to see a new and improved version of Pennywise - in an upcoming remake of the movie IT. The movie that taught you to never look into storm drains has apparently been picked up by the Sci Fi Channel for a four-hour presentation. The good news is there can't be too much blood and gore, it's the Sci Fi channel for god's sake. Although, they did produce that bone chilling "Attack of the Chupacabra" two-part special that scared the bejesus out my neighbor's cat. We'll just wait and see if this remake pans out.

Photo: I Watch Stuff

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

RIP Natasha Richardson (1963-2009)

This afternoon, Natasha Richardson died of head injuries she sustained while skiiing. Words cannot express how much her family, her friends, her colleagues and the world will miss her. Natasha was only 45. Rest in peace.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Please Don't Pop

This is a classic example of why you should never eat greens before you put on a latex bodysuit.

Photo: Dlisted

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Just In Case You Crap Small Alphabet Pieces or Dog Food Nuggets

Wow. This three-minute toilet commercial demonstrates that you can pretty much crap anything (in any size and in any quantity), and their toilet will still flush - and is STILL beautiful.

Yes, my friends. Dropping a three-pound deuce shaped like a pile of hot dogs can still be beautiful.