Saturday, May 30, 2009

Hell Yes: Super Mario Brothers Shizzle

I'm pretty much sold on any NES paraphernalia, this includes Super Mario wall decals (which I actually bought for my little brother's room) and this bomb dig pez dispenser. 

Candy + NES nostalgia = goodness with which you want to spoon.

What in the Sam Hell: iPhone Panties

Just in case you're a geek getting laid ... spend your rupees on these! 

Friday, May 29, 2009

How Vader Got Through College

Hey, I worked in retail to get through school. Even Vader had to make some quan somehow. 

Me: "Excuse me, Mr. Vader, do you take requests?"

Vader: "NOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOooooo"

Reading Want Ads: Nick Lachey

Seriously, I know he's making appearances at bar mitvahs and baby showers, but this is rigoddamdiculous. Someone needs to get Nick Lachey a fargin job already.

Hell Yes: Party Pump (not the kind you're thinking of)

I've always wanted to dispense my alcoholic beverages like ketchup at Wendy's. Plus, I'm far too lazy to pick up and pour those heavy pitchers of liquid. Please. Who do I look like, Van Damme? Sign me up for the party pump asap.

USB Flashy Flash Drive

Miley Cyrus and Liberace's love child called and he wants his USB Glamazon Guitar Drive back.

Just in case you're Paris Hilton or J-Lo's personal IT Consultant, you can purchase this outtahandness here

iPhone Woodmania

I'm not sure why someone would purchase any of these iPhone docks, but hey - one man's iPhone dock is another man's firewood. By 'another man,' I mean me. 

Insert obvious 'wood' joke here. (lol, I said 'insert')

Bacon Shoes: I'm Hungry All of a Sudden

Finally - people can customize clothing to look like the best food in the land: Bacon. 

The shoemaker, Keds, is now a rockstar in my book. And not just because they made the shoes most people wore as a last resort in the early 90s. Keds has partnered with customizable clothing website to create the greatest synergy between food and clothing ever. 

Good job, Keds. You now fit in ... slightly. I'll try not to shun you in the cafeteria during lunch.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Holy Crap: We Are The Champions on Idol Finale

Okay - so I haven't really gotten into American Idol since Kelly Clarkson weighed 125 pounds, but I just saw the finale performance of We Are the Champions (now with more Queen) between 
Adam Lambert and Kris Allen - and I have to say that Adam Lambert killed it. I have no idea how Kris Allen won this battle. 

Adam Lambert was robbed. What the crap was America thinking?

Happy Long Weekend! Be a MILF!

Seriously. Did they think this signage was going to come off as tasteful? 

"Hi there, 35-year-old mom of two! Be a mom I'd like to f*ck by purchasing one of our overpriced dresses!" 

Um. No. 

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Today's WTF: Science Fair

This picture is drenched in so much WTF - I don't even know where to start. 

Jay and Silent Bob - Get him.

Dear lord this is the scariest goddam Easter bunny I've ever seen. By the look of his smile, he's plotting to take an AK-47 into McDonald's for a McDeathfest after this photograph.

Source: Here

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

If This Dog Could Scream, He Would

What you're seeing is NOT a joke. French inventor Romain Jarry has created the "Dog-o-Matic," which is basically a gargantuan box of terror washing machine for dogs. Each "cycle" takes about a 30 minutes, with prices ranging from $20-$45 depending on the size of your dog. 

You select the dog size and wash cycle, put your dog inside and press start. Don't mind your dog barking for help while trying to claw it's goddam way out of this torture device. Dogs see enough microwaves to know what's up. They're not that stupid. 

The hilarious part of this story is that Vlad the Inventor insists that the dogs don’t mind.

Because that's exactly what I see in these pictures; a dog not minding. 

Source VIA Craziest Gadgets

Cool Clock: Tells Time and Fact

Next time you're obsessing over the time, be sure it's THIS clock you're checking out every five minutes. I love Cafe Press. 

Hell Yes: Transformer USB

Loving this Ravage-shaped USB flash memory stick. 

Upon purchasing (for a mere $42.99), your nads will turn to gold, you'll instantaneously grow a patch of thick chest hair that spells out "King of all Badasses" and everywhere you walk, the intro to Europe's 'The Final Countdown' will play loudly. 

Don't Forget the Spell Check

I'm STARVED. Maybe I'll get some microwaveable bowels to satisfy my ravenous hunger.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Play DOH

Nothing helps a 7-year-old child progress intellectually like a can of Play-doh with Obi-Wan squatting to drop a deuce. Next time you're shopping for a birthday present, make sure you pick up a can of Star Wars Play-deuce.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Sick of the "Brain Tumor / Seeing Hallucinations" Storylines on TV

I don't know about you, but I'm a little tired of the "I have a brain tumor - I'm seeing hallucinations," on my favorite TV shows. First Izzy Stevens on Grey's Anatomy is seeing her dead ex-fiance ... BOOM she's got brain tumors. Then Gregory House (House MD) is seeing Amber ... BADA BANG ... he may have a brain tumor. (It turns out he was just hallucinating form his Vicodin addiction, but same concept.)

Then last night on Bones; Booth is seeing Stewie from the goddam Family Guy AND a dead army buddy in previous episodes ... PUH PUH POW ... he's got a brian tumor. 

I love these shows and I'm no doubt addicted to them, seeing that I have no life, but COME ON. Enough with the brain tumor = seeing hallucinations storyline. It's tired. Wow us without reusing the brian tumor gimmick already. I'm not asking for much; maybe an alien abduction or a kidnapping for ransom deal ... or maybe a sex change here or there. Or just more sex in general. Audiences love sex in general. Just stay away from the hallucinations.

Photo: Here, Here and Here

The Best Graffiti Ever

Source: Failblog

What NOT to Get Mom for Mother's Day

Nothing says, "Thanks for enduring 8 hours of excruciating pain birthing my 10-lb. infant body," like a gummy anatomical heart. And it's cherry flavor - BONUS!

Shirt of the Day: Thanks, Wikipedia!

Screw college (in style)! We have Wikipedia! 

Celebrate lazy secondary education with this bombdigg shirt. 

What in the Sam Hell: Boneless Belt

Women in Japan are beginning to use this "boneless belt" to aid in weight loss. Here's how it works: 
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
My interpretation: 
In effect, this belt = human Play Dough Fun Factory.
I don't care if I'm Jabba the goddam Scribe, I want no part of my body referred to as a "manageable blob." I'm not going to look like a human corn on the cob to lose a few el bees. Eff that. 

Note on Car FAIL

I give the bastard this - at least he was honest. But if I found this note on my POS VW Passat, I'd be a mushroom-cloud-laying mofo.

Source: FailBlog

Thursday, May 7, 2009

This Pharmacist Will Bust a Cap

Watch as a gun-wielding pharmacist scares off some idiot looking to rob his pharmacy. This guy isn't just packing any gun - Dr. BigNads is packing a goddam glock. 

I give this guy props for his badassery.

VIA BoingBoing

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Do Not Want: Possessed Regan Figure with Electronic Spinning Head

I'm all for horror movie paraphernalia, but I would never buy a possessed Regan figurine with electronic spinning head. I love, own and watch horror movies - I even own the Exorcist. But I just couldn't own this little piece of hell on earth at the fear that I could never unclench my cheeks ever again. That movie scares the hell out of me, as would staring at this every day.

For 17 bucks and an extra scarred psyche, you can also purchase the creepy Regan Spider Walk Figure

Wake Me Up with that Tweet Song

The only reason I like this clock is because I want them to make one with that mechanical owl from Jason and the Argonauts. Now THAT would make me look forward to waking up at 1:00 in the afternoon. You can buy this birdie clock here.

George Lucas Was Unable to Attend

Duncan Thomson, 41, and Sammi Gardiner, 39, were married in a Star Wars-themed wedding on May 4th in the UK.

Why May 4, you ask? So they could use the phrase, "May the 4th be with you." According to the Telegraph, Mr. Thomson told his wife: 
"I promise to protect you from carbon freezing and promise to protect you from the Dark Side, through hyperspace and into the far reaches of the galaxy."
They sent invites to George Lucas, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford, but the only response came from George, who said he was unable to attend.  

I can just hear George Lucas telling to his publicist, "Yeah right - me go to THAT geekfest?! I've got a rep to protect. Send them a basket of Star Wars Pez figures and call it a day."

Billboard FAIL

This pretty much speaks for itself. 

Source: FAILBlog

Today's WHY GOD WHY: HydroGlass Shower Tank

I guess if you're uber rich and wanna feel like an autopsy is about to be performed on you - this is the bed, or rather, shower for you. 

Hydroglass has created a shower bed/fish tank combo for all of you lazy-ass elite who feel as if you don't have to move a muscle to cleanse your body. It features a warm water mattress, optional heated aquabed, and seven rainbar shower heads pointing down at you. As if that isn't enough, you'll also find a hand-held shower head for your speedo or bikini-wearing servants to handle. It's all placed on top of a fish tank, just for the hell of it. And even though you can't really enjoy the tropical fish from the top of the shower bed, at least you know you're above the artificial fish paradise. 

Now if only they created a toilet aquarium. I'd be all over that.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Today's FAIL: Audi

So my ingenious brother introduced me to the FAIL Blog. After laughing until my pancreas hurt, I decided to post a few pics from their Wishing Well of Comedy Gold™. Here's the first.

If you can read it, the Audi billboard reads: Your move, BMW

You can see what BMW came up with. I'm thinking Audi just got served. 

Source: FailBlog

Look Kids, Big Ben ... Parliament

Capture the essence of London by getting your very own Big Ben USB flash drive. You'll be King of the Lan Party™ next time you break this bad boy out. Available in 1GB to 16GB capacities. Buy one here.

iGet it

If you're that hardcore on iStuff, buy this chic little shower curtain. If you look closely, it reads iShower, iClean, iSing, iScrub, etc. I'm shocked they don't have iPee anywhere on there. 

Don't look at me like that; you know you've done it.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Man Makes His Own Wolverine Claws

Nerd power + no supervision + no life + too much X-Men + repressed childhood anger + Ph.D. in mechanical engineering + IQ of 136 = This guy.

And apparently, he's got brand new claws. Here's his description:
The springs are quicker. It locks in the back position so it can be cocked and ready. It has a release for that lock near the bicep, so with it positioned just right flexing your bicep will actually release it. It also locks in the forward position so when you stab something the claws don't retract on the track.
It's all fun and games until he goes to hug grandma and accidently takes her out.

Double WTF: iPhone Gold

This iPhone (fit for Huggy Bear) is made from 22ct solid gold, it's adorned with diamonds, and it's available now for only $34,168.

Seriously. Buy this phone or I'll smack you in the mouth with my heavy pimp hand. Now where's my Choke-a-bitch™ app? It's on like Lil Jon.

Lego Donkey Kong

Now I want a whole Super Mario Bros. lego land. Can someone get on that?








Fire Alarm Jam Session

A fire alarm kept going off during this high school band's jam session, but that didn't stop these badasses. After a few minutes, the fire alarm blended right in with their jams. 

What would have really rocked was if the school really caught fire and they kept playing through it - like that string quartet on the Titanic. 

Thanks For the Help, Apple!

Rona, a Canadian hardware store, decided to erect a banner beneath one of Apple's iPod nano "dripping" billboards to help sell their paint recycling service. How awesome is it that they're advertising their paint recycling by recycling an existing billboard? 

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Today's WTF: Squeez Bacon

Always on the lookout for new bacon-based products, I just discovered Squeez Bacon. Yes, you read right. Pure bacon you squeeze right on to your food. 

This fantastic looking squeeze product, sold on Think, is basically 100% cooked bacon paste in a bottle. Feel free to squeeze it on your burgers, salads or sandwiches; it will taste just like concentrated bacon mush AND it will look just like a cat strolled by and dropped a nice little deuce on your turkey burger. 

Why use this stuff when you can use Baconnaise?

Source: Think Geek

Game Developer Quits His Job in True NES Style

A developer quitting his job at
2K Australia, a game developer, decided to resign by leaving his coworkers a game he created based on the first NES Super Mario Brothers game. The custom game you can actually play HERE only has a few levels of game play - and looks exactly like the NES version of the game. Every time you complete each stage, the message "I Quit" flashes on the screen (along with a brief message regarding his parting).

If only the rest of us were this cool when resigning. 

Website Double Take: Gibson Guitar Corp and Apple

Working in advertising has given me a particular set of skills (watch the movie Taken to get the reference) which has helped me learn to appreciate the creative elements of this industry. This includes design, layout, copy and overall execution of an advertising piece, campaign or marketing tool (such as a website). 

Lately, I've been reviewing websites a little differently; not just for content, but for design and layout first and foremost. (And really this is the first thing a surfer notices subconsciously anyway.)

Enter Gibson Guitar Corp. I just reviewed this site and was slightly disappointed. Gibson is an iconic brand in the music industry and beyond. One would assume that such an iconic, unique brand would have a website that is not only hard-hitting and edgy, but different. Upon reviewing Gibson's site, I noticed the entire design and navigation looks strangely close to Apple's website.

Actually, scratch that. The Gibson website IS EXACTLY like the Apple website. I'm flabbergasted that Gibson and its creative team couldn't manifest enough creative ingenuity to design a website that is unique to what its brand represents and not a complete mirror of one of the most popular websites in the world.

The interesting part of this story is Gibson's older website designs weren't bad. In fact, for their brand, the older design felt more evocative of the Gibson lifestyle - "Rock & Roll." You can view their previous site design HERE. Their new site just looks like, "Apple, now with more guitars!" They've officially un-rocked™ themselves doing this.

Wise creative puppets in this industry say, "If you're going to steal someone's idea, concept or campaign - steal from the best." Well, Gibson followed through. 

Maybe they thought nobody would notice. 

Screenshot: Apple
Screenshot: Gibson


Ever wanted to see what it looks like to microwave your cell phone? Well here it is.  

At about 37 seconds, it begins to resemble the chest-bursting alien in Aliens/Spaceballs. Then it begins to resemble the head of a Gremlin yelling for help while getting nuked. It's surprisingly entertaining.

Source: BoingBoing

Photoshop Fun with Angry Baby

Photoshop has revolutionized the world - and online comedy.

This is what happens when you post your pictures online - they get photoshopped and put in the interactive pop culture hall of fame.

I've posted a chosen few, but there are more HERE.